I have travelled on jam-packed buses for days on end, I have eaten things beyond any description, I have hallucinated to the smell of disgusting feet/bums/armpits, I have slept in beds crawling with creatures that my brain in an effort to keep me sane chose to forget, I have brushed my teeth with sewage water. Have I redeemed myself yet? Can I go home now? Please?
It's not that I don't find this trip interesting, it's only that I don't like the things I see. The good points so far in Laos and Vietnam is the food/fruit and coffee/juices. But there wasn't really anything that you wouldn't like to miss in Laos. Luang Prabang was OK, but nothing spectacular. Phonsavan is a waste of space. We missed Vientiane though and I don't have the complete picture.
Hanoi is an extremely noisy and filthy place, with people who live, eat, urinate, pick their toes constantly and sleep on the exact same spot on the street and there's nothing to see there either. Even if you go to the best and up-market looking restaurant and you get to see the kitchen, you realise that they cook your meal on the same rat infested floor (flattened soil basically) as out on the streets. And there's probably a child peeing next to your food. The food is great though probably just because of all these spices. In one "restaurant" I had the stupid idea to go to the toilet. The toilet was next to the kitchen, where a dog was leicking a pan that was lying on the ground amongst spilled remains of food (to be recycled as suppose). When tried to flush the toilet (just a bucket of course), I realised that the toilet bowl was leaking al over the floor and into the kitchen. Plus a woman opened the door (curtain) and emptied a bucket of dirty water on my feet.  
Ordering food is sometimes a big adventure as well. When you order mackerel for example, you end up with something completely alien and then you realise that are several possibilities:
1. The mackerel in Vietnam is different than the one you know
2. The mackerel is the same but they ran out and they brought you any fish they had
3. The translator made a mistake (and actually they meant snake). Additionally, they prepare one order after the other and they bring them to the table when they are ready. So you either wait for 15 minutes until your meal is cold in order to eat with your company, or everybody eats alone.

And that would still be OK if you weren't hassled every 3 nanoseconds by somebody going "ouououououou" or "buy-buy" or sticking a banana/bag/map/shoe/any-k ind-of-shit-you-could-pos sibly-imagine under your nose. Our friends told us that you just say "thanks no" and it's OK. BLOODY LIARS! It's not. People follow you even after 10 "thanks nos". On a boat cruise, I sat on a bench to relax and enjoy Halong Bay and a girl wanted to sell me pearls. First she showed me photos of real pearls and then she brought out the plastic marbles on a string and for ten (10) frigging minutes she was sitting next to me saying "buy, very cheap, buy, very cheap, buy, very cheap". I didn't mind at all sitting for almost two hours in Vinh with some schoolkids who wanted to see the guide and were asking for the English words fo this and that. But nobody really warns  you enough about the harassment. But imagine carrying 20 kilos, both hands full, ready to board a boat through a dodgy plank and somebody jumps in front of insisting that you buy the bloody water. With what, the third arm? Or trying to take a picture and suddenly in the viefinder you see somebody's ugly face. They don't care if your busy, tired or even intimate with somebody.
And that would still be OKish, if everybody wasn't trying to rip you off. We met some lovely people who offered us fruit and stuff but they were all Vietnamese living abroad, either France or the States. I think that 80% of the people you meet as a tourist are trying to rip you off. And the funny thing is that they prefer not to make a sale instead of getting a fair price. Once Penelope wanted to buy some corn. Two Vienamese girls had just bought some and we were waiting to see how much they would pay for it. The vendor told them apparently to wait and she quoted a ridiculous price. Same with the cigarettes that have a set price (I think). Some people try to sell them for more and when you explain that the vendor next door sells them for the standard price they prefer to loose the customer. You are far better off in the places where the locals go, better quality and better prices (OK, they stare at you but that's fine).
Plus they'll con you with every chance they get. We got hustled twice already (and about the same exact thing, are we thick or what?). We bought train tickets to Hue at the hotel and for 3 days they were telling us they had booked them but they didn't have them. Apart from the fact that I was getting worried that we'll be stranded in Hanoi, we found out that of course they had the tickets all this time, but they only gave them to us when we were boarding the train so that we didn't have a chance to see they had overcharged us 20 dollars. I even gave the guy who brought us there a tip, yes, yes, laugh with the Greek retard.
And this thing about saving face that we heard so much about is a joke. They told me that you'll get further by smiling than by getting upset. I had been smiling like an idiot for 3 days in Hanoi and nobody was smiling back. I found out though that when you raise your voice (and it happens a lot lately) they burst into a hysterical, hyena-like laughter. And that's saving face for you.
Plus, they sleep everywhere, any time. In the internet cafe in Hanoi, the owner was sleeping behind his desk while we were online. On the floor I mean.
And I wouldn't mind any of the above too much either if there was some culture and colour. But nothing is too old or very nice or historic or anything. In Laos and Vietnam the oldest sites are 200 years old. Even the US a have longer history that that (OK, they bombed everything and partly that's why nothing remains.) But it's mad to call a city that was built in 1883 "ancient". Come on, please.
I'm really sorry if I'm offending anybody, but these people, although by no means stupid, need another 50 years to become human. At least. And everything I wrote is absolutely accurate and not just my opinion, you see it in other people's comments too. I even consider sending some of our experiences to Lonely Planet although I don't want to contribute for free. But I just feel people have to be warned and then they can decide whether to visit or not.

Hanoi and Hue were bad but Hoi An is quite pleasant. Stand by for some nice comments for a change.

P.S. Did I mention that the food is good?