NOTE: we are NOT responsible for the bush fires in N. Zealand, as somebody suggested. We were NOT responsible for the tsunami either.

The true story.

Singapore was OK. We spent 2 nights there and changed 3 rooms because the bloody air conditioning was making a terrible boiling noise that kept us up all night. And the girls there all look exactly like the psychotic Japanese girl with the ball and chain in "Kill Bill 1" - scary stuff.
We landed in N. Zealand and the first impression was that it looks a lot like Ireland, only the people here have noticed that it rains and most walkways are covered. Quite handy too cause the weather was crap.
We had several options of transport and of course we went for the most expensive one. We hired a camper van and we got the filthiest and oldest ever (never use Ezy Cars guys, they didn't deliver according to the agreement), but we didn't have a choice. The seat covers were shining with a kind of oily dirt. We washed them of course, but the laundry wouldn't do a hot wash so they weren't clean the first time. Then we washed them again but I forgot to push the button on the dryer and then they didn't have time to dry and these seat covers are our bed covers basically, so you can imagine our night. Plus the van feels like driving a lorry. It took me 300 km to switch to fourth gear, no kidding. I thought I was bad until Penelope took the wheel. The day time stood still. The kilometers became light years, the hours became aeons (in fairness, she drove through a very demanding bit, with killer bents and the sun in her eyes and me in the passenger seat and she did very well).

And then you have the holiday parks. The first one we went to looked quite OK. My first job was to check the toilets. There were 30 toilets, another 30 showers and the place was empty, so you could see the smile on my face. I thought all of them must be like this and then we arrived at the second one which had 2 toilets, 2 showers and the place was packed. For some funny reason whenever you check out the toilet, it's free but when you really need it, it's occupi ed. My work-around is to use the facilities at around 2 a.m. 

And then there is also the sadistic devices they have in the holiday parks. Like the shower that operates with coins, 20 c for 5 minutes. In my case it was 20 c for 1.5 minutes. Nothing beats the feeling when you turn on the hot water tap and nothing happens.
I also like the shower that operates with a dial sort of thing that only turns in one direction in this order: OFF-Cold-Warm-Hot-OFF. So, if you want warm water, you first get the cold surprise and when you turn it off you lose your skin from the boiling water. Repeat as many times as required.
My favourite though is the one that cuts the toilet paper. This satanic invention limits the paper and at the moment of truth you are left basically with something the size of a post stamp. 
And when we thought we had seen everything we ended up in a holiday park that's still under construction and is just a car park. In the morning we were woken up by the builders operating the bobcat right next to our van. Nice.  

Vassilis